This one may be a challenge for you, but I so hope it isn't
 

Ok, I have a '93 4 door 4.3L V-6. Thing runs like a champ but isn't running right now due to an electrical problem.

I had driven it one block from where it was parked and turned it off to run into my apartment to get something. I come out 5 minutes later and try to start it, but instead all the dash lights come on (digital dash panel) and start performing a pink floyd light show. My after-market alarm starts whining like a scared puppy and I watch in horror as my battery is drained in less than a minute, all while my alarm is getting slower like when you turn off a record player while the needle is still down.

The engine never even tried to turn and leaving it off for a few minutes would recharge the batter slightly and I would try to start it, but it ultimately flat lined not long after. I have no idea what happened and I suspect the alternator, but I don't have the money and diagnostic skills to trace the problem without guidance.

Can you guys please let me know if this is a simple "part-A exploded, which always happens in Blazers" or a "that has never happened before in any car ever made and you should never drive a car again" problem? Thank you.

Tim

Do you know for a fact that the battery is good? If not, I would start by having it tested.

No, I don't. I actually have a new battery that I can swap in, my only fear is that it will drain the new one too. I don't have a trickle charger to fix that if it happens.

Can a bad battery do that to a car?

On modern computer controlled vehicles where there is always a drain on the battery, strange things can happen when one starts to go bad. See this old thread of mine.

get the battery checked at your local auto parts . They can also check if your alternator is charging right

Alright, I dropped in a new battery and the starter cranked its little heart out with no result. All the accessories in the car work with the new battery; locks, dash lights, etc. but it wouldn't turn over.

So, since it's not the battery, whats the next cheapest thing I should try?

you shouldnt just start buying parts. guessing is very expensive. Troubleshooting is cheap. You said the starter cranked its heart out but it wont turn over. That confuses me. Is the starter engaging? Or just spinning free? Does it sound normal when its cranking? Generally when someone says their engine wont turn over they mean is isnt spinning at all from the starter.

It only took a minute to kill your battery? If that is the case, your battery is bad. It should have lasted ALOT longer.

My bad. It sounds exactly like it should when you start it. The engine is cranking but it won't start. It just makes the chugging noise of an engine just before it catches and roars to life. After putting in the new battery I sat there and cranked it for a couple of minutes. I thought maybe it had sat too long and letting it go might fix the problem. It's fuel injected but I feathered the gas a little just in case and still nothing. I could also hear the fuel pump in the tank whining so I know its giving it gas. The fuel pump was replaced not too long ago either.

I'm guessing its not getting spark. Should I take in my alternator and have it tested?

ya you could have it tested but check your fuel pressure before you test your alternator . You can get a tester at your local auto parts and you leave then a core fee . the pressure should be around 10 - 13 psi no lower then that.

Pull the plug wire off the coil pack. but leave it close enough to the terminal (what it plugs onto) and have someone watch it as you turn it over. If it doesnt spark, then you have spark issues. Could be the coil,distributor cap or rotor,pick up coil in the distributor etc.