Awesome.

So the other day this guy's waiting in line for the ATM, the man in front of him has one leg and no arms. The man turns around and says, "Can you check my balance?" The guy behind him proceeds to push him over and says "Not good."

Hopefully that ione doesn't get me in trouble.

 

Haha, thats funny!

 

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

A lady walks into a drugstore and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist says, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"The lady then explains that she needs it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes get big and he says, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not—you cannot have any cyanide!"
The lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looks at the picture and says, "Ohhhh. Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Good: your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago Good: Your wife's not talking to you Bad: She wants a divorce Ugly: She's a lawyer Good: Your son is finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Ugly: So are you Good: Your son studies a lot in his room Bad: You find several **** movies hidden there. Ugly: You're in them Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids Bad: You can't find your birth control pills Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them Good: Your husband understands fashion Bad: He's a cross-dresser Ugly: He looks better than you Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter Bad: She keeps interrupting Ugly: With corrections Good: The postman's early Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas Good: Your son is dating someone new Bad: It's another man Ugly: He's your best friend Good: Your daughter got a new job Bad: As a hooker Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over Australia.

 

Ok this had me laughing for a long time.
Doctors' Slang, Medical Slang and Medical Acronyms, Veterinary Slang, Veterinary Acronyms
Warning, may contain some 'questionable material'.

 

Why did they invent white chocolate?

So colored kids can get dirty faces too!

 

Heard that on halloween lol

 

A Man who picks his @$$ should not bite his finger nails...

 

To follow that,

Go to bed with itchy ****, Wake up with stinky finger.

 

Haha, nice thats awesome!! You've got a great point though.