RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
 

I can't stop laughing LOL!!!

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
 

A man goes to the doctor and says doc, i have a problem, but you have to promise not to laugh. the doctor says to the patient, i promis i wont laugh, im a profesional. The man says okay and drops his pants and underware. The doctor sees that he has the smallest .... he has ever seen, somewhere close to the size of a AA battery. the doctor fights to hold back his laughter but he cant, he bursts out laughing. he finally pulls himself together and says "im so sorry, that never happens, so what is the problem sir?" and the patient replies, "its swolen"

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
 

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK

A woman was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. Can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. Package of bacon.
As the woman was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, she said: 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'[align=left] [/align]

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
 

[sm=funnypostabove.gif] wow, that is just great...

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
 

A guy went over to his aging parents house one afternoon and found his father sitting in a rocker in the front yard with no pants on. The guy says "Dad what are you doing sitting here with no pants in front yard?" the old man said "Yesterday I was sitting here with no shirt on and and my neck got stiff, this was your mothers idea."

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
 

why children shouldnt witness birth,,

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to
the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked
Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her
mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Mommy pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor
was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and
spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked
the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she
had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there
in the first place.....smack his ass again!"

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
 

You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this...

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned
on a night light, turned on the phone answering machine, covered
their pet Parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the
local cab company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrives and the couple opened the front door to leave their
house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the
house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always
tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the
husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in
hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to
know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the
driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs
to say good-bye to my mother"

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so
long," he says as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the
bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She
tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap
her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I
hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car...

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
 

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some
rectum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that,
they don'tsell rectum deodorant and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been
buying thestuff from this store on a regular basis and would like
some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "We don't have any."

"But, I always buy it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.

"Yes," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it"

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist

who looksat it and says to her,

"This is just a normal stick of
underarm deodorant."



annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads

out loud fromthe container ..



"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
 

A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses.

"Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave, he continued, "Him? One woman, one feather. Him?" pointing to a second, older man, "Three women, three feathers."


The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. "But you have so many feathers!"

The Chief proudly slapped his chest. "Me Chief. Sleep with all women. Big, small, fat, tall."


Horrified, the female reporter said, "You ought to be hung!"

The Chief said, "Damn right. Me hung big like buffalo, long like snake."


The offended reporter said, "You don't have to be hostile!"

The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style!"


The reporter cried, "Oh, dear!"

"No deer", said the Chief. "Ass too high, run too fast!"[/align]

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
 

Came across another good one:


HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work
boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a
copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim,
I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning
and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was
hard to tell from all the blood.

PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside