DEMOCRAT

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing
you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then
take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.


REPUBLICAN

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


COMMUNIST

You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You
wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.


AMERICAN DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both
to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift
from your government.


AMERICAN BUREAUCRACY

You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other,
pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.


TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the
economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself, and do an IPO on
the 2nd cow. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when they drop dead. You spin an announcement stating you have
downsized and are reducing expenses.


ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you
get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of
the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven
cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the
United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys your bull.

FRENCH CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to
lunch. Life is good.


JAPANESE CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on
unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
You create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.


GERMAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, run a hundred miles an hour, live for 100
years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. Unfortunately they demand 13
weeks of paid vacation per year, and have their hearts set on grazing in
France, Belgium, Holland, Poland, Czechoslovakia, Romania, Russia, Greece, and
England.


BRITISH CAPITALISM

You have two cows. Both are mad. You make a documentary about them for BBC that
nobody watches. Someone else makes a witty comedy about them and everyone
watches that.


ITALIAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. While you are ambling
around looking for them you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is
good.


RUSSIAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them
again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12
cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. The Russian
Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

SWISS CAPITALISM

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing
them. You charge extra for not disclosing to whom the cows belong.

INDIAN HINDU CAPITALISM

You have two cows. Your children are starving, so you pray to the cows for
divine relief.


AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. Both are on the barbie. Life is good.


CHINESE CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment
and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the true
numbers, execute him, and sell his organs in Hong Kong.

POLISH CAPITALISM

You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
milk them.

TALIBAN CAPITALISM

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them
because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. At night when no one is
looking, you have sex with both of them. Then you kill them and claim a USbomb
blew them up while they were in the hospital. Saudi Arabia pays you $100,000
for each martyred cow.

FLORIDA CAPITALISM

You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some
people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure
out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out
of State tell you which is the best-looking one.


SAN FRANCISCO CAPITALISM

You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute. Too bad she's a female.


NEW YORK CAPITALISM

You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be
the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.

 

brilliant

mick.

 

One of my teachers has that poster