got a good joke to share---post it here!
#121
04-08-2009, 01:08 PM
At this mall in middle America was a group of kids dressed pretty wild. One in particular had hair that was all the colors you could think of plus some.
Well as this kid is hanging with his friends, he notices an old man just staring at him.
A lot.
Well, this doesn't bother the kid so much as it makes him puff up a bit and he uses this as a chance to pop off a one liner.
"whats the matter old man?"
"haven't you ever done something crazy in your life?"
The old man without skipping a beat said - and I quote:
"Had sex with a peacock once, was thinking you might be my son"
Well as this kid is hanging with his friends, he notices an old man just staring at him.
A lot.
Well, this doesn't bother the kid so much as it makes him puff up a bit and he uses this as a chance to pop off a one liner.
"whats the matter old man?"
"haven't you ever done something crazy in your life?"
The old man without skipping a beat said - and I quote:
"Had sex with a peacock once, was thinking you might be my son"
#123
05-17-2009, 06:10 PM
A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking.
Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.
The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said
"Look daddy,
YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!"
Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.
The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said
"Look daddy,
YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!"
#124
07-03-2009, 11:15 PM
knock knock joke
of course...
knock knock,
who's there,
8-mop
8-mop who?
eww you ate your poo????
(post 1)
I dont like the classified rules - i use to be able to post 3 months ago...
knock knock,
who's there,
8-mop
8-mop who?
eww you ate your poo????
(post 1)
I dont like the classified rules - i use to be able to post 3 months ago...
#125
07-07-2009, 04:21 AM
a man went to the dr and his toes were swolen and chapped and he said to the dr *mamma said i have toe-lee-o *and the dr said you mean you had pol-lee -o (no ...mamma said tol-lee-0)
then the man said my knees are swolen and cracked and *mamma said i have the kneesals...the dr said no* you mean you had the measals*...*nope *mamma said *kneesals*.....
then the dr said theres only one way to find out. drop you underware.
and the dr said *yup *just what i thought *you have (smallcox) and the man said mamma said smallpox...................
if this is worse than the house of prostitotion joke i apoligize and will delete it.
then the man said my knees are swolen and cracked and *mamma said i have the kneesals...the dr said no* you mean you had the measals*...*nope *mamma said *kneesals*.....
then the dr said theres only one way to find out. drop you underware.
and the dr said *yup *just what i thought *you have (smallcox) and the man said mamma said smallpox...................
if this is worse than the house of prostitotion joke i apoligize and will delete it.
#126
07-10-2009, 12:39 PM
lol... racist joke that I modified. It's probably apparent where I changed it, still funny though
anyway
A guy was driving down the highway and sees a hitch hiker on the side of the road, casually he swerves and hits the guy with the mirror, sending him into the ditch.
A few miles down the road he sees a priest hitchiking and seeing as he couldn't hit a man of god, he stopped to pick him up.
They continue on and are having a nice conversation when the driver sees another hitch-hiker... "Crap, I can't hit the hitch hiker with a priest in the car..." He thinks.
So he doesn't hit him and he keeps going, but when he looks in his rear-view he sees the man rolling down the embankment into the swamp, he looks over at the priest who says "Don't worry! I got him with the door!".
I groaned after laughing my **** off at this one, may have been the case of beer I had in my system that night though, how I still remember it lol...
anyway
A guy was driving down the highway and sees a hitch hiker on the side of the road, casually he swerves and hits the guy with the mirror, sending him into the ditch.
A few miles down the road he sees a priest hitchiking and seeing as he couldn't hit a man of god, he stopped to pick him up.
They continue on and are having a nice conversation when the driver sees another hitch-hiker... "Crap, I can't hit the hitch hiker with a priest in the car..." He thinks.
So he doesn't hit him and he keeps going, but when he looks in his rear-view he sees the man rolling down the embankment into the swamp, he looks over at the priest who says "Don't worry! I got him with the door!".
I groaned after laughing my **** off at this one, may have been the case of beer I had in my system that night though, how I still remember it lol...
Last edited by oktain; 07-10-2009 at 12:42 PM.
#127
07-11-2009, 01:56 PM
here are a couple blond jokes
a blonde gets pulled over by a blonde cop for speeding. the cop asks "Mam may i please see your license?" the blonde driver says "well im sorry officer, but i dont know what a license is..." the cop says "its a small rectangle, it has your picture on it. It will probably be in your purse." so the blonde is digging around in her purse and pulls out a mirror and says "OH!! i think i found it!!!!!" she hands it to the cop and and the blonde cop says "OH!!! im sorry... if i would have known you were a cop, i wouldnt have pulled you over! Here's your license back!!!"
A blonde is driving down an old country rode and sees another blonde in a row boat out in the middle of a field trying to row her boat. angered, the blonde driver slams on the brakes and gets out of her car and yells out "YOU KNOW, ITS PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT GIVE SMART BLONDES LIKE ME A BAD NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I COULD SWIM, I'D COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ***!!!"
a blonde gets pulled over by a blonde cop for speeding. the cop asks "Mam may i please see your license?" the blonde driver says "well im sorry officer, but i dont know what a license is..." the cop says "its a small rectangle, it has your picture on it. It will probably be in your purse." so the blonde is digging around in her purse and pulls out a mirror and says "OH!! i think i found it!!!!!" she hands it to the cop and and the blonde cop says "OH!!! im sorry... if i would have known you were a cop, i wouldnt have pulled you over! Here's your license back!!!"
A blonde is driving down an old country rode and sees another blonde in a row boat out in the middle of a field trying to row her boat. angered, the blonde driver slams on the brakes and gets out of her car and yells out "YOU KNOW, ITS PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT GIVE SMART BLONDES LIKE ME A BAD NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I COULD SWIM, I'D COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ***!!!"
#128
07-23-2009, 01:01 AM
OK here is a couple...
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"
The host said, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My ex-wife" replied the hunter.
A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased
husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,let it read, 'Billy Bob died'."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries".
Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says,
"In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 2000 Blazer for sale'.
A man and woman are seated next to each other on a plane. After take off the woman violently sneezes and excuses herself to go to the bathroom and the man next to her stands up to let her out. She returned, and 5 minutes later, she sneezed and once more excused herself to go to the bathroom. She returned again, and immediately sneezed again, excused herself and went to the bathroom...
The man, getting irritated at this point - asked her: "You keep sneezing, what's the problem?"
The woman responded: " I have a rare condition every time I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man said: "What are you taking for it?"
The woman responded: "Pepper."
Two men were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat's provisions,
one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, one "did" come forth.
This particular Genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!"
Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at
the one who's wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled
moment,he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"
The host said, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My ex-wife" replied the hunter.
A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased
husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,let it read, 'Billy Bob died'."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries".
Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says,
"In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 2000 Blazer for sale'.
A man and woman are seated next to each other on a plane. After take off the woman violently sneezes and excuses herself to go to the bathroom and the man next to her stands up to let her out. She returned, and 5 minutes later, she sneezed and once more excused herself to go to the bathroom. She returned again, and immediately sneezed again, excused herself and went to the bathroom...
The man, getting irritated at this point - asked her: "You keep sneezing, what's the problem?"
The woman responded: " I have a rare condition every time I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man said: "What are you taking for it?"
The woman responded: "Pepper."
Two men were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat's provisions,
one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, one "did" come forth.
This particular Genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!"
Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at
the one who's wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled
moment,he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
#129
07-31-2009, 10:03 AM
I liked this one when I read it.
Achtung!
Das computermachine ist nicht fer derfingerpoken und mittengrabben. Is easy shnappen der springwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spittzensparkken. Ist Nicht fur gerwerken by das dummkoffen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets, relaxen und watchen das blinkkenlights!
Achtung!
Das computermachine ist nicht fer derfingerpoken und mittengrabben. Is easy shnappen der springwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spittzensparkken. Ist Nicht fur gerwerken by das dummkoffen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets, relaxen und watchen das blinkkenlights!
#130
08-01-2009, 09:22 PM
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Eastern Central New York State
Posts: 1,003
Lexus RX350 and GMC Jimmy Weights
I actually made a joke with my mother, who drives a 2008 Lexus RX350.
I pointed out on the door tags with the weight ratings once and how the Lexus is larger in size, but is actually slightly lighter than the GMC Jimmy. She said: "How can that be?". I said only two words: "LESS PLASTIC!". Stupid joke: yes, but may actually be true...... Seems to work though considering she gets 21-24 MPG and I get 14-18 (if I am not doing 65 on the interstate, then I get 21).
I pointed out on the door tags with the weight ratings once and how the Lexus is larger in size, but is actually slightly lighter than the GMC Jimmy. She said: "How can that be?". I said only two words: "LESS PLASTIC!". Stupid joke: yes, but may actually be true...... Seems to work though considering she gets 21-24 MPG and I get 14-18 (if I am not doing 65 on the interstate, then I get 21).