got a good joke to share---post it here!
#12
02-28-2008, 03:39 PM
RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
[sm=groupwave.gif]HAHAHAHA!!!!
HOW DO YOU KEEP A MORON IN SUSPENSE?!?! (scroll down)
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HOW DO YOU KEEP A MORON IN SUSPENSE?!?! (scroll down)
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#15
02-28-2008, 07:25 PM
RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg- lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower and stand on bath mat.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ***.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat.
Dry off forearms and butt only.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
Have a great day! And, 'woo woo'!!!
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg- lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower and stand on bath mat.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ***.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat.
Dry off forearms and butt only.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.
Have a great day! And, 'woo woo'!!!
#16
02-28-2008, 07:31 PM
RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
ORIGINAL: Zasder
Have a great day! And, 'woo woo'!!!
Have a great day! And, 'woo woo'!!!
#20
02-28-2008, 11:12 PM
RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
Wahhhahahahahahah!!!![sm=funnypostabove.gif]
Got a couple of good camel jokes:
While in Egypt, I came upon the opportunity to go for a week long camel ride. The guy at the "Rent a Camel" place told me not to forget to "Brick" the camel every 3 days.
"What do you mean, "Brick" the camel?", I asked. He says, "when the camel is getting a drink of water, you smash his ***** between two bricks, this causes him to inhale the water very deeply and thus fills both humps." "Well, doesn't this hurt?", I replied. He said, "no, not as long as you keep your fingers out from between the bricks."
Three big burly stupidSudanese guys rode into Cairo one day on asingle cameland were giving the people of the city a hard time. As they rode out of town, word spread to the nearest village that the three men were coming. As they rode into the neighboring village, an old guy walked outside and shouted for everyone to hear"Looktheres the one camel with threea$$holes!!!". The three guys, not being very bright, jumped off the camel and promptly lifted the camel's tail an looked all over the camel's backside.
"I only see one...."
Heres a couple of jokes concerning monkeys in a bar:
A guy walks intoa bar after a hard day at work. He orders a beer and listens to the saloon pianist playing a familiar tune. Suddenly, out of nowhere a monkey jumps off the piano, onto the bar. The patron isn't concerned with the monkey right away. He turns to stare at a pretty woman in the opposite corner. As soon as he turns back, he finds himself face-to-face with the monkey, who is standing over his mug of beer teabaggin it. The patron shoes the monkey away, the monkey returns to his seat upon the piano. The pissed-off patron promptly walks ove to the pianist and says "SIR!DO YOU KNOWYOUR MONKEY JUST DROPPED HIS GENITALS IN MY BEER?!?!?" To which the pianist replied, "No, but if you hum a few bars of it, I may can play it."
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?"
"Now what?" asks the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
Got a couple of good camel jokes:
While in Egypt, I came upon the opportunity to go for a week long camel ride. The guy at the "Rent a Camel" place told me not to forget to "Brick" the camel every 3 days.
"What do you mean, "Brick" the camel?", I asked. He says, "when the camel is getting a drink of water, you smash his ***** between two bricks, this causes him to inhale the water very deeply and thus fills both humps." "Well, doesn't this hurt?", I replied. He said, "no, not as long as you keep your fingers out from between the bricks."
Three big burly stupidSudanese guys rode into Cairo one day on asingle cameland were giving the people of the city a hard time. As they rode out of town, word spread to the nearest village that the three men were coming. As they rode into the neighboring village, an old guy walked outside and shouted for everyone to hear"Looktheres the one camel with threea$$holes!!!". The three guys, not being very bright, jumped off the camel and promptly lifted the camel's tail an looked all over the camel's backside.
"I only see one...."
Heres a couple of jokes concerning monkeys in a bar:
A guy walks intoa bar after a hard day at work. He orders a beer and listens to the saloon pianist playing a familiar tune. Suddenly, out of nowhere a monkey jumps off the piano, onto the bar. The patron isn't concerned with the monkey right away. He turns to stare at a pretty woman in the opposite corner. As soon as he turns back, he finds himself face-to-face with the monkey, who is standing over his mug of beer teabaggin it. The patron shoes the monkey away, the monkey returns to his seat upon the piano. The pissed-off patron promptly walks ove to the pianist and says "SIR!DO YOU KNOWYOUR MONKEY JUST DROPPED HIS GENITALS IN MY BEER?!?!?" To which the pianist replied, "No, but if you hum a few bars of it, I may can play it."
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?"
"Now what?" asks the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"