TOP 8 MORONS OF 2007
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after
nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours
attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot,' the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!'.
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart,' 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No,' the man shouted, 'this is her husband!'
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! I n Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

 

I get too many e-mails....

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"





A very proper man started going into the neighbourhood pharmacy every week to buy 2 dozen boxes of condoms. Week after week he would come in with the same order.
One day the pharmacist felt he had to say something to the man. "Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?"
The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"
"So," the pharmacist asked, "then what do you do with all those condoms?"
The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my poodle and now she poops in little plastic bags."

 

I lol'd at the last two posts!! Good ones!

 

Q: Whats the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?

A: A northern fairy tale starts out "once upon a time", a southern fairy tale starts out " y'all aint gunna believe this sh**"

Q: What do blondes and screen doors both have in common?


A: they both get loose after a while...

 

i dont know if this is a joke but it is kinda creepy and intertaining at the same time.

two sisters went to their mothers funeral wile there the one sister saw the most handsom man she had ever laid eyes on. She had never seen this man before and knew nothing about him. unfortunatly she never asked anyone about him never talked to him and never even made eye contact with him. Two weeks later the one sister killed the other sister. What was her motive? scroll down for answer.




















the sister was hoping the man would come to her sisters funeral seeing as he went to the mothers. Now in 1998 all psycho pathic killers who were in a high security prison and who were either on death row or in for life were given this cenario. only one answered wrong. So if you answered right you have the potential to be a psycho pathic killer. dont think about it too much and have a nice day

 

That's messed up! LOL

 

an athiest was walking threw the woods one day and he was looking around and admiring all the things that evolution had made. all the accidents that happened to get all these things together. wile crossing a river he notices a grizzly bear which is walking around. He trys to back away slowly without getting the bears attention when luck has it he steps on a branch. the bear takes one look at him and charges the man feebly trys to get away but is quickly over taken and triped by the bear the man in a feable effort to scare the bear away screams "God help me please!". when the bear is about to munch him time seems to stop the clouds part and a warm voice says " athiest you have denounced me in public and private now that you seem to have a change of heart in your last hours i will grant you one wish it can be anything anything at all." the athiest thinks for a moment and says "God make this bear a christian cause christians can't kill people" God shows his face and smiles "your wish is my command" and with that the clouds come back time resumes and the bear looks around confused then looks at the athiest and gave a bearish grin, the bear puts his paws together and says "Thank you God for this food i am about to eat"

 

first one was disturbing Thor, second one was good

 

Two men are out ice fishing at their favourite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Rick says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Dave continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says,
"You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

 

Oh boy! That's one of those jokes that will land you on the couch if a certain someone hears it...

Good one!