Dad cooks a deer and doesn't tell his kids what it is. kids ask him "whats for dinner dad?" Dad gives one clue "it's what your mom calls me all the time." The oldest sons eyes got real big and yells at the other kids "DON'T EAT IT, IT'S AN @$$HOLE!" [sm=bounceybounce.gif]

 

I like all the vulgarity we can post here...but we can even drop an a** or a b**** in the forums..

 

Got a funny story from my long shift at the Circuit City today:

I was straightening up the PCs section and keeping an eye on the customers like a good employee..and I noticed this redneck cowboy looking guy talking to another cowboy looking guy (cut off shirt, cowboy hat, boots, etc). They were talking a bit loud and it sounded exciting so I walked by casually to listen. Apparently guy #1 had his truck in the shop...a Toyota as it was revealed. The other guy asked what shop he took it to, and the guy #1 said Precision Tune auto.

To which guy #2 said you have to be careful as they tend to buy cheaper parts and put them to keep your total repair cost low! (sounds good I suppose).
To which guy #1 replys with a classic: "Oh they better not put no jap parts on my truck!"

I wasn't sure whether to be shocked or laugh at the ignorance of this guy

(for those of you who didn't laugh at first...Toyotas are japanese...)

 

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what?" says the 6 year old. " I think its about time we started cussing."

The 4 yr old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell. and you say something with ***.".....

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks
the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast he replies,
"Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

Whack!!! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen
floor, hops up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear
with every step. She locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay in there until I let you out."

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 yr old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man???????"

"I don't know, " he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat *** it won't be Cheerios."

 

wolfpack, thats a everyday thing apparently down here in Louisiana sad but true.

Only guys who buy decent vehicles down here are either union or support it



Joke:

What did the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do?



He laid awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

 

a texan and an indiana man went to college together. after college they went their sepperate ways. well one day the texan called the indiana man and said he wanted to come up for a visit. so couple days later the indiana man picked up the texan at the airport and dicided he should show the texan some good indiana country before going to his house. so the texan all hiped up about old partys and memories of college agreed to take the scenic route to the indiana mans house. well wile driving the texan saw a rabbit cross the road and he asks the indiana man "whats that?" the indiana man replies "oh that, thats just a rabbit." "oh" remarks the texan "we grow those bigger in texas" the indiana man shrugged it off and kept driving and a little down the road a coon crosses the road " whats that" asks the texan "that, thats just a coon", "oh" says the texan we grow those a little bigger in texas. well the indiana man is getting a little iritated be the texan when the texan yells "whats that!" indiana man looks over and says "thats just a cow", "oh" says the texan " we grow those much much bigger in texas" now the indiana man is fuming when a turtle crosses the road. the texan looks at the indiana man and asks "whats that?" the indiana man looks at the texan smiling and says "man, thats an indiana tick!"

 

Got this one in a e-mail. Pretty funny....


A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and
enquired of his father, if they could discuss his use
of the car. His father said, "I'll make a deal with you.
You bring your grades up from a C to a B average,
study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll
talk about the car."

Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and
settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about
six weeks they went in to the study, where his father
said, "Son, I've been real proud. You've brought your
grades up, and I've observed that you have been
studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in
the Bible study groups. But, I'm real disappointed,
since you haven't gotten your hair cut."


The young man paused a moment, and then said,
"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've
noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had
long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had
long hair and there's even a strong argument that
Jesus had long hair also."

To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they
all walked everywhere they went?"

 

this is one my dad told me:

this man in his mid-forties was trying to make himself feel young again so he decides to go out and buy a corvette. as he is driving home he feels the need to go fast so he takes off, but of course a cop is just waiting around the corner. the thought of running from the cop crosses his mind but he relizes that would be dumb. he pulls over and the cop comes up to the window, takes all his info then gos back to the car. the cop comes back and says since im in a good mood ill let you go if you can give me an excuse i have heard. the man thinks about it a minute then says: well you see my wife just left me, the cop intrupts and says i heard that before. the man replies no she left me for a cop and i thought you were trying to bring her back.

 

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies,

'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?

 

Two hunters were walking in the wood when one grabs his chest and falls to the ground. The other hunter grabs his cell phone and quickly dials 911. When the operator answers he yells into the phone," I'm in the middle of the woods with my buddy and he just grabbed his chest and fell over dead!" The operator replies in a calm voice, "Sir, I need you to calm down. First let's make sure your friend is really dead..." The operator then hears a gun shot and the guy on the phone says, "Okay, now what?"