got a good joke to share---post it here!
BF Guru
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,143
From: GTA, Ontario, CANADA
more of a life joke than anything, even though i don't ever remember hearing about it. anyways...................
MASTERCARD WEDDING
This guy is now a legend.
MASTERCARD WEDDING
This guy is now a legend.
You got to love this guy...
This is a true story about a recent
wedding that took place at Clemson University
It was in the local newspaper and even
Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage
with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank
everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them
at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family
and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.
He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to
open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy
of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had
hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions
for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and
said, 'F---you!' Then he turned to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'
Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said,
'I'm outta here.'
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the
charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a
300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the
bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has ***** the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless' commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8 x 10 glossy
of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else
there's MASTERCARD
A Mastercard Wedding
'Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches,
it's more like a jar of Jalapenos-- what you do today,
might burn your *** tomorrow.....'
BF Guru
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,143
From: GTA, Ontario, CANADA
two Great White sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a ship wreck.
"Follow me, Son" says the father shark, and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of out fins showing." and they did.
"Well done Son! now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." and they did.
"Now we eat everybody." and they did.
when they had both gorged on the swimmers, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? why did we swim around and around them?"
his wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the **** inside!"
Q. Why do mens' hearts beat quicker, why do they get weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when they meet a woman wearing leather clothing?
A. Because she smells like a new truck.
"Follow me, Son" says the father shark, and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of out fins showing." and they did.
"Well done Son! now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." and they did.
"Now we eat everybody." and they did.
when they had both gorged on the swimmers, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? why did we swim around and around them?"
his wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the **** inside!"
Q. Why do mens' hearts beat quicker, why do they get weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when they meet a woman wearing leather clothing?
A. Because she smells like a new truck.
Couple I heard last night...
A donkey falls into a lake after fainting from heat exhaustion...
A Rooster races in quickly to save it.
Moral of the story? Hot wet *** makes ***** come quick!
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man is sunbathing nude on a beach, with only his hat over his private parts. Two women walk by and one laughs and says "if you were a gentleman you would raise your hat to a lady" the man replies "if you weren't so freaking ugly, the hat would raise itself!"
A donkey falls into a lake after fainting from heat exhaustion...
A Rooster races in quickly to save it.
Moral of the story? Hot wet *** makes ***** come quick!
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man is sunbathing nude on a beach, with only his hat over his private parts. Two women walk by and one laughs and says "if you were a gentleman you would raise your hat to a lady" the man replies "if you weren't so freaking ugly, the hat would raise itself!"
BF Guru
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,143
From: GTA, Ontario, CANADA
^^^ that was freakin' hilarious!
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."
Starting Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 106
From: Sulphur, Oklahoma
One Saturday night, a cop was waiting outside of a bar at closing time to catch a few drunk drivers. Well, one guy staggers out of the bar, falls down the stairs, then tries his keys in two other cars before finding his own. For minutes he sits there, flashing the headlights, turning the wipers on and off. He keeps trying to drive away but keeps popping the clutch. By the time he gets out on the road, everyone else is gone. The cop pulls him over and gives him the breathalyzer, but it reads out 0.0 BAC. "Hmm," the cop says. "This must be broken." The driver of the car says "no, tonight I'm the designated decoy."
