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One Less Honda on the road...

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One Less Honda on the road...

  #11  
Old 10-14-2009, 02:27 AM
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Originally Posted by okvortec View Post
Eh, who needs the heater/ac. GO FOR THE LIFT!!!
I'm with you on that. with a new AC compressor costing $230 BEFORE s&h and coolant i take 2" BL at $214 FTW! Bonus: My heater works 'round the clock so I'll never be cold!

As far as my pond story.... I guess it's not thread jacking if I started the thread huh?
Grab a brew (or dew if yer underage) and let your eyes ball wander across this tale of dumbassery...

So imagine you're me. You are back from Iraq and have about 3 months in North Carolina before you will be moving to oregon to link up with your family. Naturally you need some wheels. The beautiful thing about military bases is that people come and go often. At a place like Ft. Bragg (essentially the NYC of the Army) people come and go A LOT. There is a spot on the edge of the base known as the "Lemon Lot". Here people line their rides up and with many a tearful goodbye, part with their once and former vehicles before departing for any number of magical and wonderous places (Iraq/Afghanistan, germany, Korea, back to the real world, et.)

I found my self cruising the lemon lot on a glosious October morn in a sweet rental G6. After laying my eyes on a sign that said (Permanent Change of Station) "PCSing to Germany, MUST SELL!" I knew I had my patsy. And the 2000 4x4x4 Blazer with 172k miles that propped the sign up wasn't half bad either. After going to my temporary quarters and KBB-ing the vehicle i found the $3500 the kid was asking to be rather generous considering the Clear Euro Tails/Markers/Head Lights, Street Scene SS Bumper Cover, Street Scene Grill Insert, and new transmission he had slapped on a 4WD SUV (idiot).

After the test drive, I whined a little about the dent in D side door, missing center caps on the wheels (!) and inability of the rear wiper to spray juice on command, and presented him $2500 cash moneys. Remember, going to Germany, had to sell. After throughly bending him over I took my new baby to a car wash and loved her up a little.

I had very little intention on keeping this Blazer. TBH I figured i would sell it for a small-to-nil profit when my orderes were cut, and leave it in the hands of some other would be chump. And I did. So in November after finding a guy that was interested in a 4WD SUV for only $3k, we went for a test drive. After a few spins around the block, he wanted to know if the 4WD worked. What better way to test it out, than to test it out, am i right? (I was not) and we were off!

North Carolina is a beautiful, horrible, awful state full of truck staining/eating red drit/sand/clay. Trust me, this stuff hates you. And mocks laundry detergent. So we buzz around a few tank trails and fire brakes, climb a sissy hill, and plow through some grass and sticks before coming across a tried and true water hole. Tracks in, tracks out, whats not to love? I got set up on a good straight run and proceeded to break ALL of the wheeling commandments:
Thou shalt not wheel alone. Check.
Thou shalt not wheel in unknown parts with out cell phone reception, or a CB. Check.
Thou shalt not nose dive a water hole before checking the depth. Check.
Thou shalt not wheel with out recovery equipment. Check.
Thou shalt not test your untested 4WD whilest wheeling. And Check.

With my novice mudding knowledge (look a HMMWV can do a LOT with out any driver skill) and a potential buyer to impress, I dropped her into 4Hi, didn't bother to see if it locked in or not, and made my run at the middle of the hole. I did not BLAST into the water at top speed, but I did not roll smoothly through it either. About 3 car lengths into the puddle, the Blazer gaver her death gasp and stoped dead in place. right about then, water began flooding through the doors and onto my once-light grey carpeting.

A flurry of swearing that only 2 Army kids could produce later, we both stood in my trunk staring into the orange soup that was slowly eating my front end. Still hopeful at this point, i popped out the rear hatch glass and promply sank mid thigh deep in crud. now the funny thing is this; the pond/puddle/water hole was only about 8" deep. Sadly, the water sat ontop of another 2' or so of pure slime goo. made of sand. and clay. orange like a clowns hair as he mocks you and your mired vehicle.

Well it started raining on us at about this point, so we wandered back to a street, and moved around looking for passer's by and cell signals. Eventually a HMMWV came by. hot damn! hopefully he has a winch i naively though as I flagged it down. no such luck. but it did have a "full bird" O-6 colonel (one rank less than general a.k.a not the guys to flag down for help). His driver tossed my a pitty tow strap, and after surrendering my name and unit, the Col left us just as screwed as before, and me more so now....

Eventually an L-MTV (military semi) came by. A friendly crew followed my back into the sticks, and attempted to pull me out. After three failed attempts, and two 3500 lb straps snapped later, with 4 total straps and essentially a semi in lo-lock drug the carcass of my once vibrant Blazer from the pond-like bowels of hell.

After a passing hillbilly hauled me home, I shopped around and found a new rebuilt 4.3 with 85k miles on it, installed, for $1800. The mechanic said that i could have hunted kangaroos with my pistons they were so F-ed from the water sucked into my engine.

Needless to say, I did not sell my truck, AND my wife was very happy that i got a new engine (and by that i mean pissed) so my punishment was to drag it across the country and keep it as my DD since i had "wasted" so much $ on it already.

you asked for it, you got it. My pond story. *paraphrased, of course*
Oh and Pics or it never happened
the pictures were snapped via my cell phone, and are in reverse order. #2 is right after it happened. #1 is before attaching the first strap the Col gave me, as the front end slowly sank.

too long to edit.... brain = fried
 

Last edited by ABN31B; 10-14-2009 at 02:42 AM.
  #12  
Old 10-14-2009, 10:31 AM
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that's f**kin' hilarious!!

sir, i humbly give up my "Dumb *** Move" award to you (jk).

see, i would never inflict that carnage upon my own vehicle, that's why i rent Escort's during Chrismas, and drive the s**t outta them in the forest.

glad you were in a good enough mood to "snap a few" before it was over.
 
  #13  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:21 PM
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hahahaha it even looks like you've got a smile on your face by the end of it!
 
  #14  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:39 PM
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I had already posted this pic so I am directing you to it instead of reposting. not smiling. Not by any means.... I was giving my best hill billy grin. You will see what i mean here btw that was a really good thread and as a side note i am STILL waiting on it to be fixed. Uncle Sam is forgetful...
 
  #15  
Old 10-15-2009, 02:01 AM
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Well look at the bright side, you answered the question of whether or not your 4 wheel drive actually worked . Plus, what would life be without a little bit of screw-ups along the way, right?

And I'm glad that stupid honda's life was ended lol. Luckily for you the idiot who changed lanes was in fact in only a honda, the person that did it to me was in a Tahoe. Yes, he still lost. I got $780 for a smashed fender ( $50 in a junk yard) and a couple broken marker lights (already have extras). That money later served a good purpose of paying for the rotating assembly in my new motor lol.
 
  #16  
Old 10-15-2009, 06:47 AM
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*clap*clap*clap*clap*

Not a wise move my friend.
 
  #17  
Old 10-15-2009, 10:34 AM
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@1oldK5: to be honest, even a tahoe doesn't stand much of a change vs a K5 as tall as yours ...

@ oktain: yes... but where the hell was your logic BEFORE I was intake deep in a sludge puddle

and I did a little shopping, found a chrome bumper (no trim, no valance), a tow hitch reciever, AND an extra roof rack bar for $75. no I can throw this stupid bumper cover on craigslist and fish for $20

BTW getting alignment/pitman/idler/balanceing done today whee!
 
  #18  
Old 10-15-2009, 10:36 AM
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Originally Posted by ABN31B View Post
@1oldK5: to be honest, even a tahoe doesn't stand much of a change vs a K5 as tall as yours ...

@ oktain: yes... but where the hell was your logic BEFORE I was intake deep in a sludge puddle

and I did a little shopping, found a chrome bumper (no trim, no valance), a tow hitch reciever, AND an extra roof rack bar for $75. no I can throw this stupid bumper cover on craigslist and fish for $20

BTW getting alignment/pitman/idler/balanceing done today whee!
Don't flame me, but I'd be interested in that bumper cover lol... where are you located? is it damaged (cracked) at all?
 
  #19  
Old 10-15-2009, 09:39 PM
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Originally Posted by ABN31B View Post
@1oldK5: to be honest, even a tahoe doesn't stand much of a change vs a K5 as tall as yours ...
HAHA yea I know even a tahoe doesn't stand a chance, most newer cars don't stand a chance against anything old just because of how they are built, everything is plastic rather then metal. Cheaper plus it's lighter and we all know lighter=better mileage= better selling point.
 
  #20  
Old 10-15-2009, 10:00 PM
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oktain: not a flame, sarcasim OH you mean on the BC... ill shoot you a picture. There is very shallow scratches on the front D side where it wraps around (maybe 4-6" long) that would easily sand out. Also, there is a nice ball hitch sized semi circle from where a previous owner got up close and personal with somebody's tow set up, but it isn't THAT bad (probably the size of half of the top half of standard door ****) ill PM you a pic if you are still interested.

1oldK5: yet look at all the folks here trying to make their old, less efficient heaps keep on truckin' & everyone knows lighter = faster and faster = safe since you spend less time next to the fool that wants your lane....
 

Last edited by ABN31B; 10-15-2009 at 10:06 PM.

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